Writing my First Novel: The Story Behind Until They Kill Me

Have you ever wanted to write a book?

To take the story trapped inside you and release it to the world?

Did you then find the compelling urge to get back in bed and hide under the pillow?

When I started Until They Kill Me, I had no idea what the process would be like. I never anticipated the ways it would change me. There have been disappointments, obstacles, and ridiculous problems at every turn.

And yet, after four years, the finish line is in sight.

I hope to share with you the struggle and joy of writing. I hope to show you that, even though writing is hard, it’s entirely possible.

This is the story of how I’ve gotten here.

As long as I can remember, I’ve loved writing. I made little stories about my family, made-up animals, and even the adventures of my toy ponies.
I read everything from Frog and Toad to The Lord of the Rings. Their beauty and intrigue captivated me.

As I got older, it became harder to find good reading material. More and more, books seemed to insult children’s intelligence or push subversive messaging.

So, when I was twelve, my brother and I decided to write our own book. It was about kids who had adventures in the past using a time machine. We ignored the fact that there are about twenty other series with this premise.

We worked hard on John and Ruby. Unlike all the other stories, I was writing something that resembled an actual book. Eventually my brother dropped out of the project, saying it had no potential.

It took me two years to reach the same conclusion.

I was so disappointed. The premise just wasn’t strong enough.

I searched through the plot, trying to find something to salvage. There was one strong concept: the struggle to survive in a pre-modern environment.

I’d always loved the idea of survival. My siblings and I spent countless hours in the woods, plotting grand exploits. We made forts and weapons, had wars that always ended poorly, and once tried to stay outside for a week straight.

I was fascinated by the idea of an EMP. If one went off, I figured, you wouldn’t need a time machine to go to the past. The modern world would revert. We’d have to live like it was two hundred years ago. We’d have to fight to survive.

That sparked Until They Kill Me.

I had the idea June 15, 2018. June 16, I started writing, calling the book The Shattering (which is now the working title for the series).

I had no idea what I was doing. I was fifteen. All I knew was I finally had a story with potential. I just doubted my ability to do it justice.

Unfortunately, my confidence had been shaken by (what I considered to be) failure. I wasn’t willing to risk committing to The Shattering. “It’s just a novel,” I’d tell myself. “It’s not real events, so it’s not important.”

After a couple of years of dabbling, the book was taking shape. I was still undecided on the main character. If I had to sum up the plot, I’d tell you, ‘a series of stand-alone events happen to flat characters until they beat the bad guy’.

It was the best I knew, and, since it was getting long, I assumed it was good. The premise of a major blackout was fun, but there was no emotional drive.

Things started to change when I was eighteen. My mom sent me material by Ted Dekker, a New York Times bestselling author. There was an article, “4 Deadly Mistakes Fiction Writers Make” and an interview called “Sell Out”.
Those revolutionized the way I look at fiction. I spent three hours listening, re-listening, and taking pages of notes.

Dekker said, if you want to write a powerful story, you have to commit. You have to step into who God made you to be. Write from that mindset, and your story will be powerful.

And possibly most shocking, “Write a story that heals humanity.”

Fiction could provide healing? The idea blew me away. If that was true…my book could be of value. Maybe it would even change someone’s life.

My entire mentality changed.

I started investing in the craft of writing. My little sister had told me about Jerry Jenkins, author of the Left Behind series. Since he’s written over 200 books, including many bestsellers, I started following him.

The more I learned from him, the more the uncomfortable realization came over me: I knew very little about writing.

Aside from a general lack of skill, my biggest problem was lack of courage. I was always scared of writing the wrong thing. To help with this fear, Mr. Jenkins recommends to “find your ‘why’”. What I found surprised me.

Christa Wells’ song “Let it Out” captures what I felt. “Sometimes it’s only beauty that breaks us open,” she sings. “You don’t see it coming until you’re weeping like a child again.”

“I want this story to make people cry,” I wrote in my Story Notebook. “To cut through the barricades around their souls and touch a gentle finger on the most delicate pains and joys they didn’t know were there. To awaken them to what’s possible and what they really need.”

I felt the verse from Isaiah pierce me: “Take courage and work, for I am with you.”

So I took the scary step: I committed to writing Until They Kill Me. This was around 2019.

Dozens of questions reared up in opposition. What if it all fell apart? What if everyone hated it? And possibly most scary, what if I couldn’t finish?

But the story in me was starting to burn. I needed to write this book.

I worked part time at Publix, but managed to squeeze five or ten writing hours into each week. The story slowly progressed.

I let a few people read it. Their input, however painful, was true and necessary. It’s amazing how your mentality changes when someone else reads your book.

Late 2020, I finally came to terms with the weak plot, emotional blandness, and lack of character arcs. To fix them, I realized with a groan, the story needed to be overhauled.

I spent a couple of months sorting ideas onto my computer in preparation. I called it my “outline”. That was my code for “excuse to not actually write”. But of course I didn’t realize that until the outline was fifty pages long. Enough was enough.

So, January 2021, I opened a new file on my computer. I stared at the slowly blinking cursor. The terrifying blank page. The endless world of errors to be made.

Because, for the first time, I wasn’t shooting from the hip. I felt I had a fighting chance to do the book justice. If I couldn’t, I feared I’d fail myself, fail the story, and fail everyone who was cheering for me.

Finally, heart pounding, breathing so hard I felt dizzy, I typed the first words.

“Anderson’s as good as dead.”

And I started the whole thing over.

This time, Nara and Jason were the main characters. I borrowed a lot of material from the previous attempt at the book. But, unlike the previous attempt, I engineered the story’s events to directly impact the characters—to change them in dramatic ways. That’s made a world of difference.

By this time, I was out of college. I soon found it was time to move on from my job as well. That opened up a lot of free time. I decided to write hard until I found another job.

I didn’t know it would be fourteen months until that happened.

But I don’t regret it. That year off was indispensable. I spent hundreds of hours learning about writing, marketing, and survival skills.

I wrote most of the book then. (For the record, I looked at my “outline” about six times.) My goal for the first draft was 90,000 words. I hoped full-length would be around 100,000.

I set my 90,000-word deadline for March 8. I barely finished in time, packing 7,000 words into the last two days. Then, April 27, 2022, it reached 100,000 words.

I had written a full-length novel.

That day was a benchmark. Not only had the book reached a word count, but it gave me greater hope that I could finish—that I would finish.

Since then, I’ve fully revised Nara’s thread (her half of the story). I’m currently revising Jason’s. Every revision has been critical. You wouldn’t recognize this book from the original I started over four years ago. It’s grown up.

As of today, the book is 115,000 words long, 300-400 pages, and takes 8 hours to read.

My hope is to finish this draft, do a polishing draft, and then apply for agents. Then the book will enter the agent-publishing world to be refined (which isn’t terrifying at all). When the publishing team is done with it, Until They Kill Me will be released to the world.

That’s the theory.

In conclusion, writing this book has been an incredible experience. It’s made me laugh and cry. It’s stretched my will and my mind. It’s challenged my courage. It’s shown me the horizons of possibility for my life.

If you write a book, don’t be discouraged if your first draft is terrible. Don’t be discouraged if the next several drafts are also terrible. You learn how to write by writing. The same principle applies to any project.

Just don’t quit.

I’ve wanted to give up so many times. But the struggle has all been worth it. Until They Kill Me may come and go without critical acclaim. I will still be satisfied.

Because this book has already changed my life.

I hope it changes many others.

Have you ever wanted to write a book? What made you decide to do it or not?